Kayla Brenda’s Guide to Softness, Pleasure, and Self-Care for Valentine’s

Valentine’s Day can mean a lot of things to a lot of people - and even if you’re not fully about the holiday itself, it’s almost impossible to ignore. Come January, every store is dressed for Valentine’s Day, and it’s either warming your heart, making you gag at the consumerism of it all, or giving you the deepest ick of your life. 

All are valid.

Over the years, and through my many experiences of Valentine’s Day - some beautiful, and some unfortunately treacherous - I’ve come to form a relationship with this pink-and-red holiday that’s more about the pause, and less about the noise.

Valentine’s Day can be a gorgeous reminder to slow down and connect with the lovers in our lives, to soften into intimacy, and to meet our partners (or simply ourselves) with presence.

Hi friends, I’m Kayla Brenda. A professional dancer, movement coach, and the founder of BODYLOVE, an online dance and community space for women to come home to themselves through the art of dance.

Dance is how we enter the room - but what we’re really practicing inside here is safety in the body, softness without shrinking, and the remembering of pleasure, confidence, badassery, and personal power. BODYLOVE exists because so many of us were never taught how to feel at home in our bodies, and I believe that dance and movement can be a way back.

I’ve danced my whole life - since the age of two, to be exact! Throughout adolescence, dance was a fun athletic challenge for me and a healthy outlet for all my angsty teenage emotions.

As I grew into adulthood, though, I realized that dance became something more - it was the most sure-footed pathway to a healthy relationship with my body and my inner wisdom. Through dance, I didn’t just learn how to move and express myself; I learned how to listen to my body-what she needs, what she’s asking for, and the way she deserves to be treated.

I learned to respect my body for what she does - to dance, to move, to breathe, to take up space - not just for how she looks on the surface. I also came to understand that my body and my sensual and sexual energy are intrinsically connected, and that I could explore that sensual side of myself through slinky, goddess - coded movement (hello, heels dancing!). In discovering this part of myself, I learned how to finally own ALL of me - fully, unapologetically, and without shame.

Because my body is my instrument, taking good care of her is non-negotiable. From the dance floor to my daily routines, I’m intentional about showing appreciation for my body through how I treat her - keeping her aura shiny and well-loved.

These days, we’re flooded with ten-step skincare routines and “morning sheds” devoted entirely to facial skin. But as women, that’s not the only skin that deserves our attention (or our devotion). When it comes to our intimate skin - yes ladies, the girly bits - there’s often this weird hush-hush culture that leaves the girlies lost, guessing, and Googling things at 2 a.m.

And lost and guessing is simply not acceptable when we’re talking about the divine portal between our legs - which, let’s be clear, is also a portal between worlds. What we put on our most intimate skin matters deeply, not just physically, but emotionally and energetically too.

Let’s be honest: our girly bits already go through the most - between hormonal shifts, monthly cycles, and existing in the world at large. Choosing clean, non-toxic products for my intimate wellbeing has become one of my baseline practices of self-respect and care.

I’ve loved HONEY GIRL products for a while now. I first discovered the line at my local natural food store and grabbed their spray Facial Toner on the way to the gym. Since then, I’ve been ordering their products directly from their site and have been a die-hard Honey Girl ever since.

I genuinely cannot explain the difference it’s made in my skin. So when I saw Honey Girl’s Personal Lubricant sitting on the shelf…you already know I threw that cute little jar into my cart.

I was honestly excited because Honey Girl really is thinking about the girls. Like…yes…absolutely…my intimate skin DOES deserve organic, non-toxic lube. Yes, she does!

Opening the Personal Lubricant jar, first of all, felt…expensive. And therefore, expansive.

If you’ve ever squeezed a toothpaste-like tube of KY jelly onto your hand, or gone dizzy in the personal lubricant aisle between all the neon colors and sloppy pet names posing as labels, Honey Girl’s Personal Lubricant will feel like a full-body exhale.

It’s a reminder that you deserve good things - intimately.

Even in your most private moments, you deserve luxury, high quality, and non-toxic experiences (both from your personal lubricant and your partner of choice…if you catch my drift).

If you’re showing up in this world bravely and boldly - if you’re committed to being THAT GIRL - then your lubricant needs to live up to the standard!

Trying Honey Girl Organics Personal Lubricant for the first time was genuinely divine. I noticed immediately how nourishing it felt on my skin, and not at all like the wet, gel-deodorant texture I’ve experienced in the past.

Nothing about this product felt clinical, stale, or artificial. It left me - and my skin - feeling soft, natural, and supported.

It felt yummy, to say the least. Like something that works with your body’s natural processes rather than offering a cheap substitute for them. After using the Personal Lubricant intimately (purr…10 out of 10, no notes), I loved how my skin felt with the product so much that I started using it as a daily personal moisturizer, too!

And that honestly surprised me - because I’ve always rolled my eyes at the endless “extras” marketed to women, trying to convince us that with just this one product…your va-jay-jay will be…BETTER! As if there’s something wrong with us that needs fixing.

I think we’re already perfect. I think our bodies are wildly intelligent. And I think it’s genius (and exhausting) marketing to convince women there’s something wrong with their most intimate parts - and then turn around and sell us the solution.

But this felt different. This felt like a natural next step in my self-care routine. Hair washed and conditioned, face moisturized, body moisturized…divine portal of creation moisturized.

Feeling taken care of as a whole left me more comfortable in my body day to day, because I wasn’t subconsciously leaving any part of myself out. My hair gets the love. My face gets the love. My body gets the love. And my intimate self gets a moment of acknowledgement and care, too. *Sobs in slaying shame and adult healing*

Tell me that’s not significant to the psyche in a world that’s constantly trying to shame us for what exists between our legs!

So, circling this alllll back to Valentine’s Day - whether you plan to love on someone else or love on yourself - I want to remind you that a day focused on connection shouldn’t feel like pressure, chasing, or performance. It should feel like comfort. Trust. Softness. Doing what makes you feel good.

Maybe what makes you feel good is initiating a new rhythm in the bedroom. Maybe what makes you feel good is creating an intimate ritual with yourself that feels nourishing. Maybe what makes you feel good is choosing products that respect your body and support both of the above.

Valentine’s Day or not, Honey Girl’s Personal Lubricant is there to support both your V-day and your V-jay…every DAY of the year!

And as a loving reminder: always return to your body. She is your compass. She will tell you yes or no with clarity. She is the wisdom the world has tried to hush, and anything that supports her is supporting your ultimate truth.

With that said…let intimacy with yourself and/or others be kind. Your body will ring alarm bells if she senses energy that isn’t safe. Listen.

Let pleasure be safe. Your body opens and softens when she knows she’s safe, and there is no intimacy more powerful than the kind built from trust.

And if you want a product that helps you shift from performance to ownership, from pressure to softness, from drugstore lube to luxury, Honey Girl Organics Personal Lubricant really is your girl!

And that’s the tea.

Love,
Kayla Brenda, founder of BODYLOVE